UW looking for new football coach

Washington football coach Tyrone Willingham rode into this season strapped into the hot seat. Consensus among the media and Dawg fans was another losing season would cost the coach his job. Well, the Huskies caught a beating against the University of Nike Saturday, a 44-10 outcome that was the worst loss to the Ducks in 25 years.

Upper campus has denied they are looking for a new coach, but I found this job description on Monster.com:

US - WA - Seattle
Status: Full-time, employee
Company: Confidential
Job Category: Sports/Coaching
Career Level: Experienced (Manager)
Job Title: College Football Coach
Do you love college football and enjoy working with the future leaders of tomorrow? A Pac-10 university located in the Seattle area is currently seeking a head football coach who has a passion for college football and attention to detail.

Key Responsibilities

• Watch as your athletic department schedules non-conference opponents year-after-year that will methodically dismember your offense while placing a third of your starting lineup on the injured reserve list and crushing the spirits of your young players for the rest of the season.
• Hate Oregon.
• Avoid March Madness pools. In fact, don’t watch college basketball at all.
• Assist in the soliciting of the half a billion dollars in donations needed to upgrade our stadium. We can’t pay our players like Oregon and USC, so a nice stadium is the next best thing.
• Again, hate Oregon.
• Create new and exciting ways to get our best player, Jake Locker, to play every down -- including offense, defense and special teams.
• Transform a paper thin defense into a squad that is at least capable of stopping a Pop Warner-caliber running game.
• Scour the Earth and sign any player with the last name of Tuiasosopo.

Required Skills

• The ability to manage fantastic expectations that your football team should be a national championship contender every season.
• Find a way to compete with Oregon. Our team has lost five in a row to the Ducks. Find a way, even if it means cloning Hugh McElhenny and Steve Emtman.
• The ability to smile and nod while boosters ramble on endlessly about how great our football team was 18 years ago.
• If you can swing a hammer, it sure would help us cut down in construction costs for the new stadium.