Good Mitten, Evil Mitten debate Sonics future

Right now there is a wicked love/hate relationship between me and my favorite professional basketball team. To most natives, the SuperSonics are the most beloved of Seattle teams. However, the last year’s trials and tribulations surrounding the team have even the most faithful fan feeling scorned.

My ego has split, each side creating hopes and expectations about the team’s draft picks and lease dispute trial outcome. Good Mitten wants to see the best outcome for his basketball team. Evil Mitten wants to see the team remain in Seattle, but if they do leave, he wishes terrible, unspeakable things.

So, here are the desires of Good Mitten and Evil Mitten on these important future Sonics events.

DRAFT
Good Mitten: With the fourth selection in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Seattle SuperSonics select, O.J. Mayo from the University of Southern California. Mayo abandons his enormous superstar ego and works hard to become the NBA’s best point guard. He distributes the ball to his teammates, makes timely jumpers and drives the team bus to United Way functions.

Evil Mitten: With the fourth selection in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Seattle SuperSonics select center Brook Lopez, Stanford. I’m afraid this chapter has already been written. Please see entries for Robert Swift, Mouhamed Sene, Jim Mcilvaine, Calvin Booth, Jerome James, Johan Petro….

SONICS LEASE DISPUTE OUTCOME
Good Mitten: The city of Seattle wins its fight against the Professional Basketball Club, led by arch enemy owner Clay Bennett. Bennett, knowing he will continue to hemorrhage tens of millions of dollars a year for the remaining two years of the lease, throws in the towel and sells to a local ownership group led by Microsoft’s Steve Ballmer. Ballmer works with former Sonic “Downtown” Freddie Brown to build an arena on the city’s waterfront edge. Everyone rejoices. Mrs. The Mitten agrees to cut up her credit cards.

Evil Mitten: The city loses and the PBC moves the team to Oklahoma City for the upcoming season. The team is renamed the Oklahoma City Jerk Bags (after the area’s affinity for beef jerky). A thunderstorm of biblical proportions causes the roof to leak, cancelling the team’s first month of games. A skinny Kevin Durant begins to overindulge in Oklahoma City barbeque (also known as the Shawn Kemp disorder). Durant hangs up his sneakers for the elastic waistband of the International Federation of Competitive Eating.