In the team’s first season of play, the Sounders FC has turned the Seattle sports scene on its ear. They’re selling out every game and on Saturday packed the Qwest Pitch with more than 65,000 fans for their friendly with Chelsea. Any doubt that this has become, or maybe always was, a soccer town must be washed away.
I think it’s awesome, even though I’m not a big consumer of the game. I’ve got enough time management problems watching baseball, golf, football and poker on TV. Adding soccer would spell divorce with Mrs. The Mitten. However, I try to keep up with what’s going on through the newspapers, sports radio and blogs.
I’ve been entertained by the fans and promoters of the game along with the opponents of soccer. Every sport has its different classes of fan and soccer isn’t any different. So, I’ve tried to identify the species of each fan base below. I’m sure I’m missing one or more, so let me know. If you’re a super sensitive MLS fan, I probably wouldn’t continue reading. But if you do read on, try to summon a sense of humor.
The Expert – Not only will he make you feel like an idiot because you know next to nothing about soccer, but he will most likely turn you off soccer forever. The Expert is a close cousin of the Baseball Snob (think George Will, or any devout saber metrics disciple). No doubt you’re pretty excited about what is going on here in Seattle with the Sounders, but The Expert will rattle off a list of strategic reasons why the Sounders suck and that European soccer is the only true game. After listening to The Expert you’ll feel like breaking something.
The Defender of Freedom – Natural enemy of the Expert, the Defender or Freedom hasn’t taken the Bush/Cheney bumper sticker off his Ford F-150 and there isn’t a snowball’s chance in Hell he’s going to let a bunch of cheese-eatin’, commie-lovin’, pinko Euro-trash surrender monkeys think that soccer is on the same level as the big four of football, baseball, basketball or hockey. He didn't spend a year of his life knee deep in mud in the 'Nam to let something like this happen on his watch. He will defend the honor of the big four sports while keeping a watchful eye on our borders to make sure none of these soccer players from Latin America take jobs away from hard working Americans. Sarah Palin in 2012!
The Editor – This person had never read a sports page or listened to sports radio, but has played recreational soccer for years. Now that there is a major league soccer team in town, they have reason to plug into the sports media world. He or she serves as ombudsman and de facto editor for sports radio, blogs and sports pages everywhere. The Editor hasn't quite grasped the understanding that journalists sometimes mistakes and it's nothing personal. God forbid you misidentify a player in a photo caption or mispronounce a player’s name on the radio. The Editor’s righteous indignation will pour down on you like red hot magma and you will be shamed for your lack of attention to detail. Be on your game and be very afraid.
The True Fan – This person wants you to know that not only do they play soccer in some recreational league, but they’ll tell you that they followed the Sounders in the ‘70s (probably a lie), was a season ticket holder the years leading up to the creation of the MLS club and continues to be a season ticket holder and member of numerous supporter clubs. You might have season tickets, but the True Fan will let you know just how much of a bandwagon jumper you are. He’ll probably question you about Sounders history and minutia, but try to change the subject and then run away as fast as possible.
The Supporter – If you’re going to run into anyone, The Supporter is the guy you want to meet. They are true ambassadors of the game. Parts Expert and True Fan, Supporters are smart enough to know that it’s important for the longevity of the sport that it is inclusive of all fans – new and old. They are a welcoming bunch and are usually the leaders of the higher profile support clubs. These folks get it and are embarrassed when the True Fan or Expert goes on another nasty diatribe.
The Newbie – A Seahawks season ticket holder, never one to shy away from a party, The Newbie is really enjoying himself this summer. There’s chanting, excessive drinking, long stretches with little action – which makes it perfect for multiple beer runs. He doesn’t know squat about soccer, but he’s making the effort. Scarves, singing, over consumption … what’s not to like? The Newbie is just happy to be here.
The Lost Sonics Fan – Some of the Newbies are former Sonics fans looking for something to fill the void now that the NBA is gone and never coming back. They’ve found the warming embrace of Sounders co-owner Drew Carey comforting in their time of regret and despair. It’s going to be OK Lost Sonics Fan – there, there. Shhhhh….
The Sportswriter – This poor guy or gal hasn’t had to cover soccer since they were just starting out in the newsgathering business reporting on prep soccer. They thought those days were behind them, but now they are horrified to learn that Sounders soccer can’t be ignored and at some point in time they have to write or talk about it on the radio. This is a terrifying prospect for these folks as they desperately download soccer knowledge like The Mitten used to cram before a media law exams in college.
The Soccer Mom – If she doesn’t run you over in the parking lot with her mini-van, you’ll see her unload a platoon of soccer munchkins from the vehicle that would make a circus clown car act envious. Adidas sweat pants? Check. Oversized purse filled with juice boxes, Skittles and 20 pound bags of Kettle Corn? Check. Furrowed brow and commanding voice of a Marine drill sergeant? Check and check. If you see Soccer Mom, it’s best to just get out of her way. She’s taken on the seemingly impossible task of ferrying her daughter’s soccer team to and from Saturday’s match all on her own. Without a hair out of place and the agility of a gazelle, she will kill you without regret or hesitation if you get in the way of her mission.
The Soccer Dad – This baby boomer has three kids who refuse to play baseball, basketball or football and instead chose soccer as their sport. It has taken years for Soccer Dad to get over the fact that the sports of his youth hold no interest for his offspring’s generation. Many a night he’s sat alone in the dark with his box of old baseball cards – Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, Sandy Koufax … sigh. He’s accepted this and is now a Sounders season ticket holder so he can spend some quality time with the kids. Soccer Dad should be admired. Most of the time he walks around with a confused look on his face – a stranger in a strange sports landscape. “First the Cold War ended and now this?” he asks. Ronald Reagan where have you gone?
I think it’s awesome, even though I’m not a big consumer of the game. I’ve got enough time management problems watching baseball, golf, football and poker on TV. Adding soccer would spell divorce with Mrs. The Mitten. However, I try to keep up with what’s going on through the newspapers, sports radio and blogs.
I’ve been entertained by the fans and promoters of the game along with the opponents of soccer. Every sport has its different classes of fan and soccer isn’t any different. So, I’ve tried to identify the species of each fan base below. I’m sure I’m missing one or more, so let me know. If you’re a super sensitive MLS fan, I probably wouldn’t continue reading. But if you do read on, try to summon a sense of humor.
The Expert – Not only will he make you feel like an idiot because you know next to nothing about soccer, but he will most likely turn you off soccer forever. The Expert is a close cousin of the Baseball Snob (think George Will, or any devout saber metrics disciple). No doubt you’re pretty excited about what is going on here in Seattle with the Sounders, but The Expert will rattle off a list of strategic reasons why the Sounders suck and that European soccer is the only true game. After listening to The Expert you’ll feel like breaking something.
The Defender of Freedom – Natural enemy of the Expert, the Defender or Freedom hasn’t taken the Bush/Cheney bumper sticker off his Ford F-150 and there isn’t a snowball’s chance in Hell he’s going to let a bunch of cheese-eatin’, commie-lovin’, pinko Euro-trash surrender monkeys think that soccer is on the same level as the big four of football, baseball, basketball or hockey. He didn't spend a year of his life knee deep in mud in the 'Nam to let something like this happen on his watch. He will defend the honor of the big four sports while keeping a watchful eye on our borders to make sure none of these soccer players from Latin America take jobs away from hard working Americans. Sarah Palin in 2012!The Editor – This person had never read a sports page or listened to sports radio, but has played recreational soccer for years. Now that there is a major league soccer team in town, they have reason to plug into the sports media world. He or she serves as ombudsman and de facto editor for sports radio, blogs and sports pages everywhere. The Editor hasn't quite grasped the understanding that journalists sometimes mistakes and it's nothing personal. God forbid you misidentify a player in a photo caption or mispronounce a player’s name on the radio. The Editor’s righteous indignation will pour down on you like red hot magma and you will be shamed for your lack of attention to detail. Be on your game and be very afraid.
The True Fan – This person wants you to know that not only do they play soccer in some recreational league, but they’ll tell you that they followed the Sounders in the ‘70s (probably a lie), was a season ticket holder the years leading up to the creation of the MLS club and continues to be a season ticket holder and member of numerous supporter clubs. You might have season tickets, but the True Fan will let you know just how much of a bandwagon jumper you are. He’ll probably question you about Sounders history and minutia, but try to change the subject and then run away as fast as possible.
The Supporter – If you’re going to run into anyone, The Supporter is the guy you want to meet. They are true ambassadors of the game. Parts Expert and True Fan, Supporters are smart enough to know that it’s important for the longevity of the sport that it is inclusive of all fans – new and old. They are a welcoming bunch and are usually the leaders of the higher profile support clubs. These folks get it and are embarrassed when the True Fan or Expert goes on another nasty diatribe.
The Newbie – A Seahawks season ticket holder, never one to shy away from a party, The Newbie is really enjoying himself this summer. There’s chanting, excessive drinking, long stretches with little action – which makes it perfect for multiple beer runs. He doesn’t know squat about soccer, but he’s making the effort. Scarves, singing, over consumption … what’s not to like? The Newbie is just happy to be here.The Lost Sonics Fan – Some of the Newbies are former Sonics fans looking for something to fill the void now that the NBA is gone and never coming back. They’ve found the warming embrace of Sounders co-owner Drew Carey comforting in their time of regret and despair. It’s going to be OK Lost Sonics Fan – there, there. Shhhhh….
The Sportswriter – This poor guy or gal hasn’t had to cover soccer since they were just starting out in the newsgathering business reporting on prep soccer. They thought those days were behind them, but now they are horrified to learn that Sounders soccer can’t be ignored and at some point in time they have to write or talk about it on the radio. This is a terrifying prospect for these folks as they desperately download soccer knowledge like The Mitten used to cram before a media law exams in college.
The Soccer Mom – If she doesn’t run you over in the parking lot with her mini-van, you’ll see her unload a platoon of soccer munchkins from the vehicle that would make a circus clown car act envious. Adidas sweat pants? Check. Oversized purse filled with juice boxes, Skittles and 20 pound bags of Kettle Corn? Check. Furrowed brow and commanding voice of a Marine drill sergeant? Check and check. If you see Soccer Mom, it’s best to just get out of her way. She’s taken on the seemingly impossible task of ferrying her daughter’s soccer team to and from Saturday’s match all on her own. Without a hair out of place and the agility of a gazelle, she will kill you without regret or hesitation if you get in the way of her mission.
The Soccer Dad – This baby boomer has three kids who refuse to play baseball, basketball or football and instead chose soccer as their sport. It has taken years for Soccer Dad to get over the fact that the sports of his youth hold no interest for his offspring’s generation. Many a night he’s sat alone in the dark with his box of old baseball cards – Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, Sandy Koufax … sigh. He’s accepted this and is now a Sounders season ticket holder so he can spend some quality time with the kids. Soccer Dad should be admired. Most of the time he walks around with a confused look on his face – a stranger in a strange sports landscape. “First the Cold War ended and now this?” he asks. Ronald Reagan where have you gone?
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