Trade Ichiro? Please, shut up

There is a long-standing tension in my family over Ichiro Suzuki. It’s been there for years. My wife and I know that discussion or analysis of the Mariners outfielder is off limits.

When she bought an Ichiro jersey for my son, I kept my mouth shut. When I make mid-game flip comments about him, she turns the other cheek.

So, what’s the source of the tension? She thinks he’s the best hitter in the game. I think Ichiro does what’s best for Ichiro while at the same time stressing the importance of “team.” There seems to be a contradiction there that just rubs me the wrong way.

Does this mean I would like to see Ichiro shipped off at the trading deadline? Well, no, I’m not a total effing idiot. Along with pitchers Felix Hernandez and Brandon Morrow, Ichiro is off the trading block. Plus, the Japanese ownership would have nothing to do with it.

A recent Sports Illustrated piece written by Jon Heyman outlines the reasons that Ichiro should be traded:

• He at times plays at half speed.


• He’s a show boat.


• He doesn’t set the tone because he doesn’t run out routine fly balls.


• He had manager Mike Hargrove fired.

Let’s assume that the M’s did indeed trade Ichiro. What would they get back of equal value? Probably another superstar-caliber talent who will play at half speed at times, show boat and not run out routine fly balls. This is what superstar players do.

And the bit about running Hargrove out of town? Please tell me where I can mail my thank you card. When watching Hargrove manage, you could actually see him calculating his pension payments in his head.

Trading Ichiro to dump his contract doesn’t make sense either. The Japanese ownership group so covets Ichiro that they’ve created two player salary budgets for this team. There is the Ichiro budget and then there is the budget for everybody else. Cutting Ichiro loose doesn’t mean you’re freeing up salary to spend elsewhere.

Ichiro is also the marketing arm, leg, head and torso of the Seattle Mariners. For the casual fan and the national audience alike, he’s the only recognizable talent on the team. And most importantly, if you trade him, how do you replace the 37 Ichiro bobblehead doll nights at Safeco Field?